EST. 2007
Educate
Facts on Domestic Violence, Signs and Education altogether.
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the room. Please use a SAFE PC.
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PLEASE CLICK ONTO A
RESOURCE
:

-Warning Signs of an Abuser

-In the Mind of the Abuser

-Patterns of Emotional Abuse

-Patterns of Physical Abuse

-Patterns of Sexual Abuse

-Social Supports for Abuse

-A Comparison of the Cycles of
Violence

-The Cycle of Domestic Violence

-Domestic Violence And Pregnancy

-How Survivors Cope

-Co-Dependent or Abused

-The Separation Cycle

-Words Are Powerful

-Is He Really Going To Change This
Time?

-Safety
While the majority of survivors
are women, men can also be
victims. For the sake of
simplicity, we refer to the
victim/survivor as “she” and the
perpetrator/abuser as “he”
.
PLEASE CLICK ONTO A
RESOURCE
:

-Warning Signs of an Abuser

-In the Mind of the Abuser

-Patterns of Emotional Abuse

-Patterns of Physical Abuse

-Patterns of Sexual Abuse

-Social Supports for Abuse

-A Comparison of the Cycles of
Violence

-The Cycle of Domestic Violence

-Domestic Violence And Pregnancy

-Co-Dependent or Abused

-The Separation Cycle

-Words Are Powerful

-Is He Really Going To Change This
Time?

-Sexual assault Drugs

-Safety

-Facts and Myths



Thank you to" The Center of Hope and Safety" in
Oregon. For allowing anyone to use and print off
their materials for this section of the website under
Education.
Educate
Facts on Domestic Violence, Signs and Education altogether.
Safely ESCAPE out of this
website, if the abuser walks into
the room. Please use a SAFE PC.
Delete you're cookies, web history
and back track/ delete your steps
.
SUPPORT and click
SUPPORT or DONATE
to HELP PUBLISH our
educational Book
base on a true story.
Here:
SUPPORT and
"LIKE" our FB
FAN PAGE here:
The MORE you know, the more you are better to HELP, PROTECT and
SAVE yours or both yours and your kids lives or lives of another.
While the majority of survivors
are women, men can also be
victims. For the sake of
simplicity, we refer to the
victim/survivor as “she” and the
perpetrator/abuser as “he”
.
Educate
Facts on Domestic Violence, Signs and Education altogether.
Safely ESCAPE out of this
website, if the abuser walks into
the room. Please use a SAFE PC.
Delete you're cookies, web history
and back track/ delete your steps
.
SUPPORT and click
SUPPORT or DONATE
to HELP PUBLISH our
educational Book
base on a true story.
Here:
SUPPORT and
"LIKE" our FB
FAN PAGE here:
The MORE you know, the more you are better to HELP, PROTECT and
SAVE yours or both yours and your kids lives or lives of another.
While the majority of survivors
are women, men can also be
victims. For the sake of
simplicity, we refer to the
victim/survivor as “she” and the
perpetrator/abuser as “he”
.
In the Mind of the Abuser

Abusive people typically think they are unique, really so different from other people that they don’t
have to follow the same rules everyone else does. But rather than being unique, abusers have a lot
in common with one another, including their patterns of thinking and behaving. The following are
some of their characteristics.

Excuse Making

Instead of accepting responsibility for his actions, the abuser tries to justify his behavior with
excuses. For example: “My parents never loved me” or “My parents beat me” or “I had a bad day,
and when I walked in and saw this mess, I lost my temper” or “I couldn't let her talk to me that way.
There was nothing else I could do.”

Blaming

The abuser shifts responsibility for his actions away from himself and onto others, a shift that allows
him to justify his abuse because the other person supposedly “caused” his behavior. For example:
“If you would stay out of it while I am disciplining the kids, I could do it without hitting them.” Or he
may say, “She pushes my buttons.” Statements like this are victim blaming. If he really had buttons
she could push, she would push the one that says, “vacuum” instead the one that says, “hit me”.

Redefining

In a variation on the tactic of blaming, the abuser redefines the situation so that the problem is not
with him but with others or with the outside world in general. For example, the abuser doesn’t come
home for dinner at 6 p.m. as he said he would; he comes home at 4 a.m. He says, “You’re an awful
cook anyway. Why should I come home to eat that stuff? I bet the kids wouldn’t even eat it.”

Success Fantasies

The abuser believes he would be rich, famous, or extremely successful if only other people weren’t
“holding me back.” He uses this belief to justify his abuse. The abuser also puts other people down
verbally as a way of making himself look superior.

Lying

The abuser controls the situation by lying to control the information available. The abuser also may
use lying to keep other people, including his victim, off-balance psychologically. For example, he
tries to appear truthful when he’s lying, he tries to look deceitful even when he’s telling the truth,
and sometimes he reveals himself in an obvious lie.

Assuming

Abusive people often assume they know what others are thinking or feeling. Their assumption
allows them to justify their behavior because they “know” what the other person would think or do in
a given situation. For example, “I knew you’d be mad because I went out for a beer after work, so I
figured I might as well stay out and enjoy myself.”

Above the Rules

As mentioned earlier, an abuser generally believes he is better than other people and so does not
have to follow the rules that ordinary people do. That attitude is typical of convicted criminals, too.
Each inmate in a jail typically believes that while all the other inmates are criminals, he himself is
not. An abuser shows “above-the-rules” thinking when he says, for example, ‘I don’t need batterer
intervention. I’m different than those other men. Nobody has the right to question what I do in my
family.”

Making Fools of Others

The abuser combines tactics to manipulate others. The tactics include lying, upsetting the other
person just to watch his or her reactions, and encouraging a fight between or among others. Or, he
may try to charm the person he wants to manipulate, pretending a lot of interest or concern for that
person in order to get on her or his good side.

Fragmentation

The abuser usually keeps his abusive behavior separate from the rest of his life. The separation is
physical; for example, he will beat up family members but not people outside his home. The
separation is psychological; for example, the abuser attends church Sunday morning and beats his
wife Sunday night. He sees no inconsistency in his behavior and feels justified in it.

Minimizing

The abuser ducks responsibility for his actions by trying to make them seem less important than
they are. For example, “I didn’t hit you that hard” or ‘I only hit one of the kids. I could have hit them
all.”

Vagueness

Thinking and speaking vaguely lets the abuser avoid responsibility. For example, “I’m late because I
had some things to do on the way home.”

Anger

Abusive people are not actually angrier than other people. However, they deliberately appear to be
angry in order to control situations and people.

Power Plays

The abuser uses various tactics to power trip others. For instance, he walks out of the room when
the victim is talking, or out-shouts the victim, or organizes other family members or associates to
“gang up” on the victim in shunning or criticizing her.

Playing Victim

Occasionally the abuser will pretend to be helpless or will act persecuted in order to manipulate
others into helping him. Here, the abuser thinks that if he doesn’t get what he wants, he is the
victim; and he uses the disguise of victim to get back at or make fools of others. Abusers will often
claim to be the victim in order to avoid being held accountable by law enforcement. He may assert
she was the one who was violent. He will display what are clearly defensive wounds, such as bite
marks or scratch marks, and claim she “attacked” him. Or he will declare that the physical marks on
her were caused when he was trying to keep her from hurting herself.

Drama and Excitement

Abusive people often make the choice not to have close relationships with other people. They
substitute drama and excitement for closeness. Abusive people find it exciting to watch others get
angry, get into fights, or be in a state of general uproar. Often, they’ll use a combination of tactics
described earlier to set up a dramatic and exciting situation.

Closed Channel

The abusive person does not tell much about himself and his real feelings. He is not open to new
information about himself, either, such as insights into how others see him. He is secretive, close-
minded, and self-righteous. He believes he is right in all situations.

Ownership

The abuser typically is very possessive. Moreover, he believes that anything he wants should be
his, and he can do as he pleases with anything that is his. That attitude applies to people as well as
to possessions. It justifies his controlling behavior, physically hurting others, and taking things that
belong to them.

Self-glorification

The abuser usually thinks of himself as strong, superior, independent, self-sufficient, and very
masculine. His picture of the ideal man often is the cowboy or adventurer type. When anyone says
or does anything that doesn’t fit his glorified self-image, the abuser takes it as an insult.
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