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|Every survivor is WELCOME to share their story here.
Writing and sharing your story helps with the healing
process. I've myself have written my story from beginning to
end. Found it helped a great deal with PTSD. By getting
these memories out of my mind and on paper. Like taking a
load off your mind that's been sitting their weighing on any
negative thoughts. Set your mind free and fill with peace and
forgiveness. TRUST and give your problems to God, Jesus
will take care of you and your family. Faith and Prayer daily
will truly set you free. Go to our BOOK TAB for my story.
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I don't want to talk about then, I want to talk about now. I wake up
in the morning and I take a long hot shower. I get dressed, I brush
my hair. There are no sore spots I have to be careful of when i am
washing, because the bruises took a long time to heal. My hair is not
coming out in clumps in my hair brush from being ripped out of my
head. I do not have to worry about feeling trapped in my house with
no where to go and no money, because I am on my way to work. I
kiss my husband, who loves me dearly. I kiss my children, who
smile because they know they are safe and there was no screaming,
no fighting, no watching Mommy get hurt last night. I say my
prayers that my little one can walk me to the door, because her
daddy choked me unconscious when I was pregnant with her and
they thought she'd have cerebral palsy. I smile, because I can go to
work and support my family and in turn I am supported by my
family that loves me. I feel SAFE today. I feel LOVED today! I feel
GREAT today. I am FREE today. 2 years out, and going strong.
I see a women... Baggy clothes, hairs a mess with her head
down.. I see a women asking GOD "why me?" I see a women
cleaning her wounds and bruises. I see a women trying so hard not to
upset him, for fear of the results. I see a women in the ER room from
protecting her newborn baby from him. I see a women take knife to
his throat Telling him she can't take no more. I see a women begging
for her life and then being taken away in handcuffs while he stand
there with her child...
A year goes by...
I see a women choking her new man because she doesn't know how
to control her anger. I see a women yelling and screaming at this
new man for no reason. I see a women relaxing she is becoming
Another year goes by...
I see a women holding their new baby. I see a women and the man
she use to choke watching a movie. I see a women laughing and
smiling everyday. I see the women content and at peace. I see the
women looking at "HIM" in the eye and saying "I FORGIVE YOU" and
walking away while he sits there wearing his orange suit.
I look in the mirror and see that women is m.. Me, who is happy,
content, and best of all free. I AM A SURVIVOR (almost 3 yrs)!!
I,am alone now, But at peace. It's just me and my dog and
cat. I'm surrounded by the scars of a very violent 5 YR marriage, and I
don't have the money or anyone to help me, fix these mess that he left
behind. It's like a tornado came through here, and now gone, and calm.
But the holes in the walls and the screens that are out, and all the
bangs in my doors, and my car sitting outside, that he blew up, and my
eyes that still hurt, from him almost knocking me out, with a dirty
magazine, and the bills keep coming in. That he got me into, and I
jump all the time at noise, and when people come up behind me, from
years of being attacked, choked, hair pulled out, spit on, kicked,
pushed, stolen from, the locks still on my bed room doors, habit I
guess. But I can get up when I want to, go to sleep when I want to,
listen to all kind of music I like. Watch what I want on TV, eat what I
want, and what I want, No More being called a W----, C---, TROLL,
B----, SORRY, LAZY, UGLY, FAT, Ronnie's favorite word of all times,
CRAZY! He's 6FT 2 inches, and I am 4FT, 11 inches, Yea a real man! I
don't have to put up with the Budweiser any more, or calling people at
the abuse center, lesbians, not being able to watch OPRAH, cause of
her color and she is a woman with power, same as ROZANNE, Life time
moving network. This thing took or tried to take my soul, and he's on
the hunt again for wife number 6, in the GAINESVILLE, FL area. He's
so nice in the beginning, oh so charming, till he gets in, then look out!
He is not good with children or animals, It's all about him, very selfish.
One of his EX-so called wife, still hangs onto him, Through all his
marriages, she's been there, and they were never married, even
legally married, and he beat on her too, and all the other wives also,
but of coarse blames all the other wives. It was all there fault, and
when he's got NO-ONE else to blame, he blames God! He owes
everyone. IRS, all the utility company's, cell phone company's, bank
etc... But I was threatened if he went to jail, he will get me, or his family
when he gets out. For 5 YRS of abuse he spent one night in jail. And
he still owes the bail bonds man for that! He couldn't even make it in
the army, he was kicked out, Gee I wonder why? Now I've got DRAMIT
STRESS DISORDER, cause of him, my right knee messed up because
of him, and he has
no remorse. I want to do something to help out with DOMESTIC
VIOLENCE,to make a difference, some how!
So I guess I am in the right place.
I met him when I was 18, I immediately fell in love. I
finally met him, got pregnant and thats when it all started. Why did I
not see the warning signs. My mom was abused also by my dad. HE
immediately said the baby wasn't his. HE raped me three weeks
after having my first son, then I found out as a result I was pregnant
again. My daughter was born but again she wasn't his. My life was
a nightmare, he rejected my kids, his kids, beat me and was only
nice to me when I got my government check once a month. He said I
was a pig, fat, lazy and a whore. Made me think less of myself,
made me hate myself but yet I loved him. I dedicated my life to my
kids between the beatings and being degraded. I would go back
home to my mom but that would last because my mom had her own
problems. I was not comfortable there either. I lost weight tried to go
back to school, I did go back but got pregnant again and
graduated. I had another son still not his even though he was! He
was going out getting drunk taking drugs and being unfaithful. He
did have his girlfriend on the side who would take care of him but
also talk about me to my husband. He would come home and beat
me and the kids. It was rough but I had to find a way out. I got
pregnant again. This time another girl this one was his even though
she was born with ahead full of hair the other three were not. He
told the kids you are not mine but I raised you so I consider you
three my kids too. Big MAN! Finally got a good job, the people at
work seen what was going on and gave me moral support so I took
my first step. I got an order of protection, we went to court he
threaten me in front of the Judge. Took 13 sheriffs to subdue him.
The Judge(ha, ha) came to me later and told me" he is drunk so I
had him put into a holding cell but he will be out later tonight once
he sobers up". Does the Judge know what he just did? He will go
and beat me and then my kids. What was the use? I went to a
shelter too but didn't work either he found me. Threaten to Kill me
and keep my kids after I was dead. I did not want that. HELL NO!!
Not my kids! Well God heard my prayers. He died on 12/05/94 on
my birthday in front of my moms house, in front of my kids, his kids. I
have been free and changed my life around. I suffer from Post
traumatic stress but I am free. My Husband now adores me, loves
me, takes care of me, and is the best in the world. I am here to show
anyone it can be done. I SURVIVED 18 YEARS!! Someone once told
me you have to Love yourself to love someone else. I do love
myself. I love my life, I love my kids, I love my grand kids. We can
and shall overcome our obstacles.
The year i realized the truth about my father 2001.
I don't think about it when I'm with my friends. I don't think about it
when I'm doing my algebra. I think about it when I see her. My mother.
I've cried. I've screamed in my pillow. I've asked for god to help but,
nothing came. No help no hope. After a few months i gave up and
started saying "screw you god".
My father is not physically abusive but, mentally. I have been told
things about my mother that I was scared was the truth. "your mom
never loved you." "she's had more boyfriends then I can count!" I used
to ask them both questions but I always got different answers. "daddie
how did I get this "thing" on my head?" and he would say "Your mother
dropped you" (of course this made me feel like my mom didn't care)
Then I would go to my mom and say "Mummie how did i get this on my
head" I would ask pointing to my head. "You fell off a swing when you
were younger" in this situation i didn't know who to believe. When i was
younger than I am now "something" happened to my head and I ended
up getting cradle cap and I now on this current day have a dent in my
head. My hair around the incident did not grow back for a while and I
have little hair there.
My father also abused my mother and also cheated on her while I was
still inside her. What i currently know is that i have a brother named
Joshua and he is 2-4 months "YOUNGER" than me. I found this out last
august when my mother finally got custody after 7 years.
Many things have happen to me but, some stuff is too... Upsetting to
put on here. This is all i can think of anyway...
While I write this i think of my struggles. All those times I hid in
the bathroom crying. At night telling my mother i was going to bed
early, because I was tired when I was really heading to my room to cry.
I still cry today. My life has been like hell and torture almost
And to think I'm only 14 years old. I am an outgoing and very sociable
girl. Today I am also a small face for a model company. I am also that
girl that you hear in the shower singing at the top of her lungs to
some rock song. I'm a girl who owns two pairs of drum sticks. I learn
to take my pain out in music today. I write songs. Poems. And i am
currently working on finishing my first book. It's fantasy. But, tells
a tale about my history.
I have been a survivor for a while. I am a survivor all because of my
mother. She has been throw thick and thin for me and I owe her my